Teardrop
by trishika
Summary: He’s not here anymore. He was never “here” in the first place. GinxKira. Oneshot.


Teardrop

Summary: He's not here anymore. He was never "here" in the first place. GinxKira. Oneshot.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach as it is property of Kubo Tite. How unfortunate. Thank you also to Greentail for that suggestion on the ending, which I've now edited slightly once I finally figured out how to, um, edit it since I am slightly dim. Still, you learn something new everyday, don't you?

* * *

I believe the first time I saw Ichimaru-taichou was when Renji, Hinamori, Hisagi and I were rescued by he and Aizen-taichou, during that awful hollow attack. I suppose that I saw him before that as well, albeit briefly, in passing. This was the first time I saw him up-close and even as early as that, I perceived him to possess an element which I was both afraid and deeply attracted to. If the former feeling had won, perhaps I would have been more vigilant and alerted others of my suspicions. Unfortunately, things don't always go the way you want, do they?

"Izuru-chan," Ichimaru-taichou called, and I involuntarily shivered slightly at being called by my given name. "Whatcha doin' ?"

"Ichimaru-taichou," I bowed politely. "I'm just finishing these reports. They were supposed to have been done last night, but I've just recovered from some injuries so I…"

"Izuru-chan," he called again, but this time, grinning even more, teeth showing. "Don't ya think you've been doin' too much work again? What've I said abou' that?"

"I, um, I'm sorry," I bowed again, although I didn't know why I was even apologising.

"Don't worry 'bout it," he said, chuckling slightly while waving his hand dismissively.

An uncomfortable silence filled the air and I coughed slightly, unsure of what to do. I looked down at the form I was filling out, trying to distract myself from the man in front of me.

"Hm," Ichimaru-taichou mumbled. "These forms are s'posed to be filled by captains, right?"

"Uh, well, yes," I said quietly. I could feel his breath on my neck, displacing a few stray hairs behind my ear. I closed my eyes and felt slightly light-headed. "As a vice-captain, I should always support my captain in all that he does."

"Oh dear," he said, leaning further forward so I that could feel the heat of his breath. "Tha' sounded like something you learnt straight ou' of one of yer shinigami academy textbooks, hm?"

"No, I…I really do want to help you, captain," I said, feeling flustered. "I'm not doing this because I have to, I…I really do want to help you, Ichimaru-taichou."

"Oh, I'm sure," he said, before he pressed his lips onto the side of my neck, working his way to my ear and giving it a teasing lick, eliciting a small gasp from me. My heart felt as if it was about to jump out of my mouth and I blushed as I realised the beginnings of arousal forming underneath my hakama.

Ichimaru-taichou stood up again, and smiled pleasantly, although now, upon recollection, it probably was anything but pleasant.

"Izuru-chan," he said soothingly. "You're so cute. I s'pose noone's done somethin' like this to ya before judgin' by yer adorable blush, hm?"

I swallowed heavily before answering, trembling slightly. "No, no one's ever done anything, like, um, this before."

He stared at me for a little while longer than I would have liked, before touching my back, hands lingering and tracing small circles. And just like that, he left, the papers on the desk lifting slightly from his sudden movement. I looked at those papers, trying to make sense of what had just happened, and failing.

Ichimaru-taichou continued with these arbitrary moments of intimacy with his touching and kissing and then suddenly leaving, leaving me flustered and blushing every single time. So I decided to do something about it the fifth time in two months it had occurred.

I had carefully prepared what I was going to say, although what I was trying to achieve I had no idea, but I just had to do something about it. Of course, when I saw him, my train of thought immediately derailed and my mind became completely vulnerable to his antics. I panicked and almost turned around to leave, but unfortunately, he spotted me already and greeted me.

"Izuru-chan," he said, mouth curving in either a smirk or a charming smile, I honestly couldn't tell. "Whatcha doin' here?"

"I, just…" I mumbled. All I could see in my mind was white, and I could feel cold sweat on my palms. I tried to pull myself together and tell him exactly what I was doing. "Ichimaru-taichou, sir, I must talk with you about something."

He tilted his head and his smirk or smile or whatever it was, widened. "Oh my, really? I had no idea. So what _is_ this importan' issue exactly?"

I swallowed and clenched my fists, and began. "Well…it's just that…your behaviour towards me seems a little, um…_singular_ and I just would, um, please don't act like that around me, Ichimaru-taichou, sir."

He didn't react for about half a minute, just continued to look at me. My legs felt unsteady and my heart was hurting my chest.

"Oh, that's rather interesting," Ichimaru-taichou said in a sweet tone. "Is Izuru-chan so brave as to give his commandin' officer _orders_?"

I gasped and felt stupid for even thinking of trying to ease things between us.

"No, no, sir," I choked. "Of course not. I was just curious…I'm um, I apologise deeply." I bowed low and closed my eyes, waiting for the impending blow by Shinsou.

"Well," Ichimaru-taichou said lightly. "That's okay I s'pose." And then he ruffled my hair, hands drifting to the bottom of my neck. "But, why _do_ ya think I do things like this?" And with that, he moved forwards to capture my lips, his tongue dominating mine, and licked a trail from my mouth across my cheek. He pulled back, his gaze dark and his smile voracious as I made a small noise at the back of the throat.

"I don't know how to answer that, Ichimaru-taichou," I admitted, looking down and blushing furiously. I felt as if I were having a heart attack.

Ichimaru-taichou said nothing but grabbed my arm and pulled me towards his quarters, and then pushed me against his desk, his hand pressing at the base of my spine. He leaned close to my neck and I could do nothing but close my eyes again, whether in fear or thrill I don't know.

"You know," he whispered. "People say I have an obsessive personality."

I stayed silent because I didn't know what he wanted me to say or do. He probably expected that, and pushed further into me so I could feel the hardness digging into my back. I may have been naïve but this was not something I could not comprehend. That feeling of either fear or thrill struck me again. I swallowed, shifting my fingers slightly on the desk.

He bit into my neck viciously, and I made a small noise of protest but even then as my arousal was slowly shutting down my brain, I knew that resistance was pointless.

That was the first time he took me. Or as he liked to say, "he fucked me." He would remark on how cute it was that I didn't like to swear, which was probably why he did it so often around me.

He would also often tell me things which I couldn't say anything to. He once told me that he liked persimmons because they were sweet and reminded him of me, and I would have been flattered if his eyes were as sincere as his lips. I would have been flattered if his eyes didn't have a flash of barely controlled madness which, once I saw, I knew that I was hopelessly on a downward spiral and that it wouldn't end until one of us died.

It made me more attracted to him than ever.

Every time I took him into my mouth, every time he spread my legs, it was a combination of disgust at myself for such easy compliance, no resistance whatsoever, and what may have been, love or something, I honestly don't know.

Ichimaru-taichou knew too much about me. He knew my parents had died when I was young. He knew that living alone was difficult for me and he knew (he still knows) that when he left to Hueco Mundo, he took a part of me with him which I can never recover.

I would sometimes pretend that he's still around. Ichimaru-taichou. But he isn't here. He was never "here" in the first place.

**Finis. **


End file.
